The Serial Killer
For me, the line between right and wrong blurred a long time ago. I used to have sleepless nights. Not anymore... I thought I'd feel guilt. But I didn't. My life was a set of unanswered questions. My experience of life felt like a disease, until . . . . .
Until, I found my cure.
In the beginning I thought it was just an obsession. I was wrong. Today it feels more like my life support system. It has become my food and water. I have to do it, for survival. Its the only way in which I can lead a normal life.
Sometimes a kill leads to more. Plenty of kills have been just collateral damage. But I had to do it. I didn't have a choice. The rush I get every time is irreplaceable.
My hand shivers. Everytime. I don't like it when that happens. It makes me feel mortal. I don't like feeling like a mortal. I am more than just a mortal. I was sent here to do God's work. And that's exactly what I am going to do today. God's Work.
Yes, I know it sounds funny, but I am serious. I believe in God.
The Victim
"Help", I scream,
every single time.
I know help wont arrive,
every single time.
I am isolated,
every single time.
I am helpless,
every single time.
But I still cry out. Though in vain, it may be.
Out of desperation. Out of hope.
I shout. I scream. I cry.
But, as usual help never arrives.
Then I realize why. He is too good for that. He plans his every move meticulously. He calculates every angle. Every possibility.
I try to fight back. But it only seems to increase his determination. I scream, "Why me". I just hear his mild laughter in response. He enjoys my struggle. Part of his satisfaction comes from that. I am his drug. For him, Its an addiction. An addiction for which there is no rehab.
every single time.
"if only I had seen him coming", I think,
every single time.
The Investigator
I always dread that call. But they always call me first. Its my job to be called first.
I have seen more evil than any of you can possibly imagine. But still he gets to me. He always gets to me.
I try to find the smallest clue. The slightest indication of any slip up that might lead me to him. But I never succeed. He always makes me feel that, I am looking at the wrong place. Probably laughing at me. At my stupidity. It took me a long time to take it in. But the fact was, he was better than me. And he knew it.
Part of my job is to look tough and unflustered whenever I witness his handiwork. And I do it well. On the outside. Inside I feel week and feeble. He gives me sleepless nights. Makes me nervous every time the phone rings.
But, that does not deter me. Because I know one thing. Everything has a breaking point. He will make a mistake. Every one of them does. And when he does, I will notice. And I will find him.
And, When I find him, I guarantee that I will not arrest him. I'll just sort the paperwork.
The Avenger
The average guy next door. Thats what I was. Two years ago. Leading a contented life on the outskirts of the big city. I wouldn't say that it was perfect. But it was damn close.
But then, one day, It all changed. He turned my life around.
It hit me hard. He had hit me hard. But I didn't run. I wasn't raised to run from a fight. I wasn't raised to run from anything. "Never back down. Never give up.", my dad used to say. And I never gave up. No matter what.
The day he set hands on my wife, he had signed his death warrant. I just knew it that day.
Two years. It seems like a long time. Two years, I did not rest. My mind, body and soul unified in his search. Time passed and I realized that he was extremely good at what he did. Unfortunately for him, he was not good enough. Because, now I know, where he was, where he is and where he will be. And today everything will end. Today will be his end. And, he will not see it coming.
There was a time when I was afraid to get blood on my hands. But not anymore.
You see, for me, the line between right and wrong blurred a long time ago.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Z
Do you believe in "love at first sight"? I certainly did not until it happened to me. Love was a concept that I did not get, then or now (proof of which can be seen here). But on this occasion I could feel it. A jolt through my veins. My heart skipping a beat. Eyes caught in a spellbinding trance. All the ominous signs that have been covered in zillions of films over the years. It had to be love. Yes, I had fallen in love. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........
If you are wondering, yes I am still awake. What I meant was, I was in love with "Z", the letter. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen. Here I was wondering about the singularity of "A", the steadiness of "D", the artistic beauty of "H", the brutality of "R", the slyness of "S", the necessity of "W" and the mystery surrounding "X" only to be completely blown away when the teacher said, "Z for Zebra".
And I knew why. People rarely use it. But when used, it leaves an impression on your tongue that nothing else can ever do. It was more than any alphabet. It represented everything different. It was like the X man of the alphabet universe. And it was no surprise when it was chosen to be the main representative of the greatest number in the whole world, Zero.
A lot of people may disagree with me on this. But, to me, it just has to be the greatest (english) literary invention of mankind. Long live "Z"
A lot of people envy Zinedine Zidane for his footballing skills. I envy him for something totally different.
If you are wondering, yes I am still awake. What I meant was, I was in love with "Z", the letter. It was the coolest thing I had ever seen. Here I was wondering about the singularity of "A", the steadiness of "D", the artistic beauty of "H", the brutality of "R", the slyness of "S", the necessity of "W" and the mystery surrounding "X" only to be completely blown away when the teacher said, "Z for Zebra".
And I knew why. People rarely use it. But when used, it leaves an impression on your tongue that nothing else can ever do. It was more than any alphabet. It represented everything different. It was like the X man of the alphabet universe. And it was no surprise when it was chosen to be the main representative of the greatest number in the whole world, Zero.
A lot of people may disagree with me on this. But, to me, it just has to be the greatest (english) literary invention of mankind. Long live "Z"
A lot of people envy Zinedine Zidane for his footballing skills. I envy him for something totally different.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
YORKED
.........How could it come to this?, Raghu thought. "This should not be happening", he murmured to himself.........
Raghunathamoorthy Srinivasan or Raghu as his friends called him was the average guy next door. But he (like every person) had a couple of qualities that made him stand out from the rest. The first of which was taught to him by his father. "never let anyone down." his father used to tell him."dont give people false hope, but once you assure them of something , see to that they are not left wanting". To this day Raghu had followed his father's words to the letter. He never made promises that he could not keep and when he made promises he made sure that he kept them. The other quality was more genetic than acquired. Like his mother Raghu was extremely hard working and competitive. He did not always stand out or come first at whatever he did. But he always gave more than a 100% to whatever he did. He always knew that he was where he was because of these qualities.
It seemed like yesterday when he had set foot into central colony. Alone for the first time in his life, Central colony was a breadth of fresh air for him. He was not sure intially when he got the call form 'Shanthi Computers', for a job as a data analyst. He had even attended college as a Day-Scholar, so he did have a few worries while accepting the offer. But he had no regrets now. He could see that the company was going places and he always told himself that he had made the right decision. Also it was there that he had met Suresh, a fellow programmer.
It was Suresh that had introduced him to the CCCC(Central Colony Cricket Club). They played matches every Sunday in the kanavulur city league. Being a decent fast bowler in his school and college days, Raghu faced no problems getting into the team in a couple of weeks. Soon he found himself to be an integral part of the team. He was never a good batsman and always came in at No.11 but the rest of the team were intelligent enough to realize what he brought to the team as a bowler. Also being a guy who gives 100% in every match, he soon became a firm favorite among the rest of the team.
He had a brilliant first season picking up 18 wickets and thus becoming the third highest wicket taker in the city for the season. Although he could pick up only 8 wickets in his second season, he was still a very useful bowler who made the batsmen think twice and work for every run. But this season had been abysmal for him. He had picked up only one wicket in the tournament until the semi finals. The CCCC had been reaching the semi finals for the past 3 years but were knocked out by the PPP (Periya Pettai Pasanga) club all three times. But this season it was different. They had drawn X colony in the Semi finals and were also buoyed by the news that PPP were beaten by The Western colony Cricket club(WCCC) in a surprise upset. It was in this Semi Final that Raghu would have the game of his life.
Electing to bat first the CCCC batsmen failed to provide any decent platform resulting in them scampering to a meager score of, 94 for 8 in the allotted 25 overs. None of them, not even Raghu could see what was coming. Picking up 4 wickets in his first 3 overs, Raghu came back to pick up 3 more and clean up the tail in his second spell finishing the match with figures of 7 for 14 in 4.4 overs. He knew that they had to go a long way before getting their hands on the trophy but he enjoyed the feeling. He was the Hero that day. It was his moment.
The day of the final arrived. Again the CCCC had won the toss and chose to bat first. The batsmen built a couple of partnerships with Suresh even scoring a 43* cruising to a good total of 178 in 25 overs.
Chasing it WCCC were in a decent position at 102 for 1 in 15 overs and the only wicket that had fallen was a run out. But the CCCC's spinners who had an average tournament up to that point, suddenly decided to come to the party and bowled some tight overs and picked up wickets leaving them at 159 for 5 in 23 overs and leaving Raghu and his fast bowling partner Amir to bowl the last two overs. With WCCC needing 20 of the last two overs, Amir bowled a brilliant second last over, conceding just 6 runs. Everyone at the ground could sense a victory now. Especially after the first two balls of the last over were bowled, where the first ball turned out to be a dot ball and Raghu picked up a wicket in the second ball thanks to a brilliant catch by Wicketkeeper Manickam diving to his right.
Full of confidence, Raghu steamed in to bowl the 3rd delivery. Then something terrible happened. Trying to bowl the slower ball Raghu lost control of his line resulting in a juicy half volley outside the off stump. The batsman had no trouble dispatching it to the cover boundary although just evading the fielder at the deep. The next ball Raghu made the typical mistake and overcompensated bowling at the batsman's legs. The fielder at short fine leg didn't even have to move. It raced away to the fence. Raghu was tensed and rubbed sweat off his forehead. He knew that the next ball was crucial. He ran in and bowled the perfect Good length delivery between middle and off stump. He had landed the ball exactly where he had wanted to. But the batsman had other ideas. Moving to his off stump and going down on one knee, the batsman scooped the ball over the keepers' head. It was a gamble . But it came off. It was an incredible shot off a very good delivery. Raghu's palm covered his face. He was going to let down the entire team. He felt defeated.
.........How could it come to this?, Raghu thought. "This should not be happening", he murmured to himself.........
Needing just 2 off the last ball, the whole ground was tensed. The keeper Manickam ran towards Raghu to offer some advice. So did the captain and Suresh. Manickam suggested that Raghu bowl a bouncer and surprise the batsman(It was later agreed universally that that was a stupid idea)
" Bowl the same length ball. He cant get lucky twice" his captain said.
"The scoop is a low percentage shot. Go for it. Bowl another length delivery" he repeated.
Raghu stared. He thought and slowly said, "no".
" I am going to go for the yorker. Let him try and scoop that" he said.
"But the yorker is easy to get wrong and could end up being a full toss, bowl the length ball Raghu" Suresh said
With a sudden venom in his eye Raghu turned sharply at him and said,
"oru vatti mudivu Eduthhiten na, en pecha naane kekkamatten".
"If I make my decision once than I wont listen to anyone's words. Even mine"
Finally after settling all the chaos in the ground, Raghu ran into bowl the last ball. The moment he released the ball Raghu knew that it was a perfect yorker. 'I did it' he thought for a split second. But once again the batsman anticipating this had come forward, converted it into a full toss and whacked the ball straight back.
That was the last action that Raghu remembered when he woke up at the hospital an hour later.
He could see Suresh standing there along with the rest of the team.
"Sorry Guys" Raghu said. I let you down. Strangely enough the whole team laughed .
This was followed by an awkward moment of silence after which Manickam blurted out"We won you idiot".
Raghu did not understand."how ? but he drove it . It should have been a boundary" he asid.
"Yes it should have." Suresh said. "except that the ball hit your head knocking you out and then hitting the non striker's stumps. He was backing up , so he got run out."
Raghu felt it. It had not sunk in. But he knew what it was. Victory. "fortune does favor the brave" he told himself.
"Get well soon and get ready for next season u cry baby" suresh shouted.
Raghu Smiled and said,
"Evvalavo Pannitom . Itha panna mattoma?"
Raghunathamoorthy Srinivasan or Raghu as his friends called him was the average guy next door. But he (like every person) had a couple of qualities that made him stand out from the rest. The first of which was taught to him by his father. "never let anyone down." his father used to tell him."dont give people false hope, but once you assure them of something , see to that they are not left wanting". To this day Raghu had followed his father's words to the letter. He never made promises that he could not keep and when he made promises he made sure that he kept them. The other quality was more genetic than acquired. Like his mother Raghu was extremely hard working and competitive. He did not always stand out or come first at whatever he did. But he always gave more than a 100% to whatever he did. He always knew that he was where he was because of these qualities.
It seemed like yesterday when he had set foot into central colony. Alone for the first time in his life, Central colony was a breadth of fresh air for him. He was not sure intially when he got the call form 'Shanthi Computers', for a job as a data analyst. He had even attended college as a Day-Scholar, so he did have a few worries while accepting the offer. But he had no regrets now. He could see that the company was going places and he always told himself that he had made the right decision. Also it was there that he had met Suresh, a fellow programmer.
It was Suresh that had introduced him to the CCCC(Central Colony Cricket Club). They played matches every Sunday in the kanavulur city league. Being a decent fast bowler in his school and college days, Raghu faced no problems getting into the team in a couple of weeks. Soon he found himself to be an integral part of the team. He was never a good batsman and always came in at No.11 but the rest of the team were intelligent enough to realize what he brought to the team as a bowler. Also being a guy who gives 100% in every match, he soon became a firm favorite among the rest of the team.
He had a brilliant first season picking up 18 wickets and thus becoming the third highest wicket taker in the city for the season. Although he could pick up only 8 wickets in his second season, he was still a very useful bowler who made the batsmen think twice and work for every run. But this season had been abysmal for him. He had picked up only one wicket in the tournament until the semi finals. The CCCC had been reaching the semi finals for the past 3 years but were knocked out by the PPP (Periya Pettai Pasanga) club all three times. But this season it was different. They had drawn X colony in the Semi finals and were also buoyed by the news that PPP were beaten by The Western colony Cricket club(WCCC) in a surprise upset. It was in this Semi Final that Raghu would have the game of his life.
Electing to bat first the CCCC batsmen failed to provide any decent platform resulting in them scampering to a meager score of, 94 for 8 in the allotted 25 overs. None of them, not even Raghu could see what was coming. Picking up 4 wickets in his first 3 overs, Raghu came back to pick up 3 more and clean up the tail in his second spell finishing the match with figures of 7 for 14 in 4.4 overs. He knew that they had to go a long way before getting their hands on the trophy but he enjoyed the feeling. He was the Hero that day. It was his moment.
The day of the final arrived. Again the CCCC had won the toss and chose to bat first. The batsmen built a couple of partnerships with Suresh even scoring a 43* cruising to a good total of 178 in 25 overs.
Chasing it WCCC were in a decent position at 102 for 1 in 15 overs and the only wicket that had fallen was a run out. But the CCCC's spinners who had an average tournament up to that point, suddenly decided to come to the party and bowled some tight overs and picked up wickets leaving them at 159 for 5 in 23 overs and leaving Raghu and his fast bowling partner Amir to bowl the last two overs. With WCCC needing 20 of the last two overs, Amir bowled a brilliant second last over, conceding just 6 runs. Everyone at the ground could sense a victory now. Especially after the first two balls of the last over were bowled, where the first ball turned out to be a dot ball and Raghu picked up a wicket in the second ball thanks to a brilliant catch by Wicketkeeper Manickam diving to his right.
Full of confidence, Raghu steamed in to bowl the 3rd delivery. Then something terrible happened. Trying to bowl the slower ball Raghu lost control of his line resulting in a juicy half volley outside the off stump. The batsman had no trouble dispatching it to the cover boundary although just evading the fielder at the deep. The next ball Raghu made the typical mistake and overcompensated bowling at the batsman's legs. The fielder at short fine leg didn't even have to move. It raced away to the fence. Raghu was tensed and rubbed sweat off his forehead. He knew that the next ball was crucial. He ran in and bowled the perfect Good length delivery between middle and off stump. He had landed the ball exactly where he had wanted to. But the batsman had other ideas. Moving to his off stump and going down on one knee, the batsman scooped the ball over the keepers' head. It was a gamble . But it came off. It was an incredible shot off a very good delivery. Raghu's palm covered his face. He was going to let down the entire team. He felt defeated.
.........How could it come to this?, Raghu thought. "This should not be happening", he murmured to himself.........
Needing just 2 off the last ball, the whole ground was tensed. The keeper Manickam ran towards Raghu to offer some advice. So did the captain and Suresh. Manickam suggested that Raghu bowl a bouncer and surprise the batsman(It was later agreed universally that that was a stupid idea)
" Bowl the same length ball. He cant get lucky twice" his captain said.
"The scoop is a low percentage shot. Go for it. Bowl another length delivery" he repeated.
Raghu stared. He thought and slowly said, "no".
" I am going to go for the yorker. Let him try and scoop that" he said.
"But the yorker is easy to get wrong and could end up being a full toss, bowl the length ball Raghu" Suresh said
With a sudden venom in his eye Raghu turned sharply at him and said,
"oru vatti mudivu Eduthhiten na, en pecha naane kekkamatten".
"If I make my decision once than I wont listen to anyone's words. Even mine"
Finally after settling all the chaos in the ground, Raghu ran into bowl the last ball. The moment he released the ball Raghu knew that it was a perfect yorker. 'I did it' he thought for a split second. But once again the batsman anticipating this had come forward, converted it into a full toss and whacked the ball straight back.
That was the last action that Raghu remembered when he woke up at the hospital an hour later.
He could see Suresh standing there along with the rest of the team.
"Sorry Guys" Raghu said. I let you down. Strangely enough the whole team laughed .
This was followed by an awkward moment of silence after which Manickam blurted out"We won you idiot".
Raghu did not understand."how ? but he drove it . It should have been a boundary" he asid.
"Yes it should have." Suresh said. "except that the ball hit your head knocking you out and then hitting the non striker's stumps. He was backing up , so he got run out."
Raghu felt it. It had not sunk in. But he knew what it was. Victory. "fortune does favor the brave" he told himself.
"Get well soon and get ready for next season u cry baby" suresh shouted.
Raghu Smiled and said,
"Evvalavo Pannitom . Itha panna mattoma?"
Monday, March 1, 2010
MAN: Dog's best friend
Recently I visited a dog show with one of my friends. It was a great experience. There were dogs of various breeds like, dobermans, dachshunds, great Danes, pugs, Labradors, German Shepards, dalmatians, a St Bernard and my personal favorite, a couple of Siberian husky puppies. The dogs were having a great time, running around, occasionally causing chaos and creating a great atmosphere(although the smell was not a very agreeable).
A Siberian husky
Watching all the dogs made me want one too. But due to some stringent conditions in my house it does not seem to be a possibility in the near future.
What really puzzled me that day was, why is the dog different from any other animal. In fact the dog might be(not sure here, clarification anybody?) the only species which may even alienate one of its own species in favor of its master. We humans pride ourselves with our uniqueness and claim to have a sixth sense. But what does a dog have apart from the 5 senses that makes it such a loving and loyal being or in other words, Man's best friend.
So in order to clarify my doubts I resorted to wikipedia. And the explanation I received was,
The domestic dog has a predisposition to exhibit a social intelligence that is uncommon in the animal world. Dogs are capable of learning in a number of ways, such as through simple reinforcement (e.g. classical or operant conditioning) and by observation.
Who says that Wikipedia is not reliable? The above definition seemed to be the Dog's bollocks to me(no pun intended.OK thats not true.It was entirely intentional. In fact I could not wait to use it. All right I'll admit it, I wrote this entire piece in order to pierce that somewhere.)
Anyway, watching the dogs bond made me realise that the bond between man and dog was a two way street. We all are aware of the dog's unwavering loyalty to man. But I could see why. Everywhere there were people nurturing and caring for the dogs. They treated them like one of their own. The lengths at which they discussed about the food plans for the dogs could only be rivaled by parents discussing about colleges for their sons and daughters. In fact you could see the love in the eyes of the owners when they paraded their dog around beaming with pride.(The owner of the dog which won the award for the best dog was literally in tears.). At the end of the day all one can say is, DOGS ROCK!!!! and so do Humans.
Thank you God(IF u exist of course) for these two wonderful creations.
Walking across the street I saw him;
Cuddled up in his corner, ears down;
Eyes half open, utilized and tired;
Conquered by him, I threw him a piece;
His eyes flashed open, gobbling it with ease;
Looking at me, like I was God to him, and
Wagging his tail from side to side, he said,
He said.........."bow wow"
A Siberian husky
Watching all the dogs made me want one too. But due to some stringent conditions in my house it does not seem to be a possibility in the near future.
What really puzzled me that day was, why is the dog different from any other animal. In fact the dog might be(not sure here, clarification anybody?) the only species which may even alienate one of its own species in favor of its master. We humans pride ourselves with our uniqueness and claim to have a sixth sense. But what does a dog have apart from the 5 senses that makes it such a loving and loyal being or in other words, Man's best friend.
So in order to clarify my doubts I resorted to wikipedia. And the explanation I received was,
The domestic dog has a predisposition to exhibit a social intelligence that is uncommon in the animal world. Dogs are capable of learning in a number of ways, such as through simple reinforcement (e.g. classical or operant conditioning) and by observation.
Who says that Wikipedia is not reliable? The above definition seemed to be the Dog's bollocks to me(no pun intended.OK thats not true.It was entirely intentional. In fact I could not wait to use it. All right I'll admit it, I wrote this entire piece in order to pierce that somewhere.)
Anyway, watching the dogs bond made me realise that the bond between man and dog was a two way street. We all are aware of the dog's unwavering loyalty to man. But I could see why. Everywhere there were people nurturing and caring for the dogs. They treated them like one of their own. The lengths at which they discussed about the food plans for the dogs could only be rivaled by parents discussing about colleges for their sons and daughters. In fact you could see the love in the eyes of the owners when they paraded their dog around beaming with pride.(The owner of the dog which won the award for the best dog was literally in tears.). At the end of the day all one can say is, DOGS ROCK!!!! and so do Humans.
Thank you God(IF u exist of course) for these two wonderful creations.
Walking across the street I saw him;
Cuddled up in his corner, ears down;
Eyes half open, utilized and tired;
Conquered by him, I threw him a piece;
His eyes flashed open, gobbling it with ease;
Looking at me, like I was God to him, and
Wagging his tail from side to side, he said,
He said.........."bow wow"
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